Intro to Kink 101

"We're the pleasures of the night-time that fade at dawn,

selling treasures of the night-time 'til night is gone.

And then when the party's over, everybody's gone away,

we stare at an empty day - what's there to do or say?

Nighttime is where we live,

night is when we give everything we have to give.

Most lovers can rejoice, we don't have a choice,

we just know we have to give.

That's why the day can never be bright

for the girls of the night..."

"Girls of the Night" - Jekyll & Hyde

I am Nellie to my friend J's Lucy, such sultry wenches!... we always have a kick performing this song and will be doing so again publicly in three weeks, looking forward to it :)

My first introduction to kink was not far from the girls of the night one summer in Boston...

I had determined that I was not going to return home after my first year at college, so as soon as the semester ended I got myself a job at Fernald State School (now the Fernald Developmental Centre, due to close Any Day Now... really...) and moved into a co-op apartment in Brighton with several other young people.  The unit I was working in was actually housed up at the Metropolitan State (Mental) Hospital, a very spooky place at the time, as my unit's building was being renovated.

I am not sure what it is about work with the developmentally disabled that attracts those of the LGBT persuasion, but we are Legion... and nearly to a (wo)man, seem ideally suited to the work with a special compassion and a fine sense of advocacy.  I had had no exposure to the LGBT community growing up, and being at an all-girls Catholic college had not furthered my education on that front.

So, I met Danny and George shortly after I started working for Fernald.  George was an older guy... tall, skinny transvestite (okay, now we say cross-dresser, I'm only saying how he referred to himself) complete with makeup; Danny was a few years older than me, gay and quite open about it.  After they finished laughing at my accent, they took me under their collective wing and taught me all kinds of things.

Now, I'm sure that had I not been a virgin, my "education" would have gone quite differently (in that they likely would have hooked me up with someone who would have taught me about BDSM first-hand).  Being that I was in fact still of intact hymen, they were very concerned about maintaining my virtue and decided that it would just be fun to shock me about things.  I still remember Danny telling me in all seriousness that he could be a better woman than I could ever be...

I never worried when I went out with them late at night after work because I knew they weren't interested in me and would protect me from vultures, so we would go out into Boston and through the Red Light District to the Paramount theatre to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show, where Danny was part of the floor show dancers on certain nights during the week.  This was in the heyday of the participation of this cult classic, an experience not to be missed! And quite eye-opening to a neophyte of the scene...

Danny and George were both heavily into the BDSM lifestyle, and the impression they gave me of it was that it was all whips and chains and torture.  That was later reinforced when my sister went to college at Georgetown University, entered the lifestyle, and went straight for the the S/M aspect (and yet accused me of corrupting her! LOL).  It is likely just as well that my education in the matter of kink came later... a few years after that Summer of Enlightenment the AIDS epidemic hit the US in force and I might have been caught in that maelstrom.

How did I finally discover the true nature of kink, you may ask?  Well, I'm actually still very much on the learning curve here, but I got an idea that it wasn't all about the torture when I started reading erotic fiction a couple of years ago when the sexual well ran dry... and the rest is legend... ;)

(click on the pic to see hahaha)

Self Restraint

I forgot to mention in my drabblings yesterday about an encounter we had at the mall; we had wandered into one of the stores and my son noticed all of the facial piercings the girl behind the counter had.  He commented, "I'll bet those really hurt!" and she replied, "Only the one to my chest!"

I was about to commiserate with her, when my son began to back away from her.  "I'm scared of you," he said, "You've got your chest pierced!"

My mouth shut tight, the confession died on my lips.  Scared of her?  Okay, I guess I could see that, I remembered the terror I felt when I was first introduced to kink as a teen (which will be the fodder of another post, sometime).  But would that translate to me, if he knew...?

Yeah, if they only knew...

I went downstairs last night dressed in one of Taz's ripped-up tee shirts to do my hair... as I passed by him he called out "Wait a minute!" and I thought he had finally caught on.  I turned toward him in trepidation, waiting for his wrath (because I figure that's how he'll react when he finally gets a clue)... and all he said was, "That's an old shirt, right?  I don't want you using one of my new undershirts!!"  I practically danced in front of him, showing him the gaping rips under the arms, mere centimeters from my pierced nips.  And that... was that.

*sigh*

The title of this post has two meanings.  The first, of course, is obvious: that of holding back, of mastering one's impulses.  We as kinksters do that all the time in order to function in mundane society.  At times we may let it 'leak' a bit in our manner of dress or actions, depending on the situation.  For instance, I showed self restraint in not blurting out at the mall that I, too, had a chest piercing.  But I am rather unconventional in my appearance for my age bracket; an 'acquired taste' so to speak.

The other meaning may be of far more interest to those of us who identify as submissives.  I first ran across this phenomenon in the mid-80s in my work with severely involved autistic youngsters: the fact that they would self-restrain themselves as a form of grounding, of security.

The ways they would choose to do so seemed bizarre at the time; wearing their clothes so as to bind their legs or their torsos and arms, wrapping their arms about themselves and refusing to let go, etc.  A few of my students would initiate putting themselves into four-point restraint to keep themselves safe in a threatening situation.

After reading a couple of articles about the theory of why they did such things, I decided to try it for myself.  And that is how I discovered light bondage and how much I enjoyed it, needed it in fact.

I have a very low tolerance for crowds and open arenas (like shopping malls, supermarkets, department stores, etc.).  You will not see me anywhere near a mall from early November until past the New Year, even with coping mechanisms... just can't handle it.  I will tolerate these places at other times of the year if I can either be holding on to something (someone's hand, a stroller handle) or wearing headphones (a trick I picked up from my deaf students).

Apparently, I crave the security that bondage brings; today as part of my session I wandered out into the community wearing a tight shibari body harness underneath my clothes, and was completely in submissive headspace, a sort of euphoria, the entire time I was out.  I may be off my rocker, but I present this as a reason why other submissives may enjoy bondage as well.  What does it do for you?

Had an absolutely glorious session today (when the cat's away the mice will play!).  New fun sensations: playing with a vibrating butt plug whilst having a bullet vibrating in the 'other' cavity, brushing warm wax on sensitive areas with a paintbrush, pushing an ice cube into the vagina and having cool water pool out during orgasm to add fuel to the climax.  One totally scary moment when the doorbell rang and realising that I could be seen in all of my wanton abandon from the front door...! and diving for cover.

Not looking forward to Monday... especially with the time change...

Dragon Drabble

 The technogeek in me is well pleased. :)

I had been waiting for Apple and our service provider to shake hands over the iPhone ever since the device had made its appearance; I've had the iPod Touch for awhile, going from 8G up to 32G -- which has been invaluable both professionally and as a musician -- but craved the additional accessibility the iPhone would provide.  It's just as well that I had to wait; the iPhone is now in its 4th generation, so the 'kinks' of earlier versions have been worked out.  Taz stymied me a bit further, as initially he did not want to have to pay for a data plan monthly, but finally capitulated when I presented a well-reasoned case to him and gifted my previous iTouches to my daughters.

It's. Been. Awesome.

I laugh when I think how excited I was (many years ago now, LOL), when the 1200-baud modem came out for the Commodore 64! and can remember my first brush with 'vultures' (my term for those who swoop in looking for a 'quick fix') on QuantumLink along with the friends I made online back then, one of whom I still have contact with on Facebook. :)

So...

The sensation quest has been stayed for the time being, as this poor Dragon has been swamped with work and a very intense (but very enlightening) course in school.  I did, however, have opportunity to try some IcyHot this week...

...which is probably the first time I've ever considered reaching for the shower nozzle to rinse it all out!!  It took a couple of seconds to 'hit' me, and then I just had to grip the edge of the counter for a minute or two in absolute agony before I could play.  A couple of orgasms later it felt much better...! it's gone into the toy bag to play with again, carefully :)

Last evening, I came all over girly, which is something I never do...!  I had to replace one of the captive bead earrings in my upper ear after it got whacked out (quite innocently) in a wrestling match with my older daughter, so I took the kids to the mall last night to find something in the rainbow persuasion that I could put in my ear myself (captive beads are beyond me!).  I found quite the stash at my favorite earring store...

and between those and a purchase elsewhere in the mall, managed to accessorize quite well in the rainbow theme :)

I've never been one much for jewelry, but piercings are a different matter... and the bracelets were just a cool find I couldn't pass up!

I also found a few miscellaneous goodies in the dollar store to add to the toy bag... when next I play with wax, I want to try brushing/spreading it on, so I picked up some cheap paintbrushes and spatulas.  I may get that opportunity tomorrow (provided I finish all my schoolwork!) as the rest of the family take a day trip out to New Jersey...

For now, back to the dungeon (the work one, not the play one!)... but looking forward to having some kinky fun soon...!

The Porno Connection

I love to execute plays on words; to joke, to pun, to wield the sword of double entendre and – the sharpest tool in my arsenal – that of dry sarcasm.  Of course I have to be careful of my audience; I was recently stopped by a police officer in a small town for a broken headlamp and when he commented about all the boxes on my front passenger seat (I was in the midst of moving my office that week) I made a quip about living in my car.  He took me absolutely seriously and started checking for signs of vagrancy! until I was able to assure him that I did in fact have a proper home address.  Usually I don’t let fly with such comments until I’m reasonably comfortable and secure with someone… once I am, though, watch out!!

This past week I have been conducting a family assessment (to satisfy a clinical requirement for school) using people who happen to be good friends of mine from the theatre company.  The family assessment includes all aspects of humanity including (of course) sexuality.  When we first started the battery of questions last weekend, the couple’s young daughter was present and so we decided to defer ‘those’ questions to the second session when she would be otherwise engaged.  With a good deal of giggling, we code-named the section ‘Question 42’ as we all know that 42 is the answer to everything.  Oh, and bring a towel.

We re-convened a couple of nights later to address (among other things) the set of questions relating to human sexuality.  Now the first several questions were fairly straightforward: ‘attitudes toward sexuality, sexual orientation, frequency and satisfaction with sexual activity, and contraceptive measures’… we got through those with some giggling, especially when I counselled my friend J to “walk up the stairs sooner!” when she complained about bedtimes out of phase with her husband, C.  Gee, that sounds awfully familiar...

But then, I swear to you, the following subset of questions in that section just struck us as bizarre: ‘Hazards to human life, human functioning, and human well being.’  I stared dumbly at it for a minute, and then said, “Uuuuuuuuhhhh, they must be talking about the kink!!”

They just laughed at that, so we spent the next several minutes talking about kinky practices, including joking about their cellar being a dungeon and what the true purpose of the hose down there could be.  I was completely deadpan in my delivery of ‘outrageous assumptions’ that were way too close to my own truth… and they were laughing hysterically because of course no one would actually do those sorts of things, certainly not them and not their good friend Kaz… *cough*

On one level I felt as if I was coming out to them and they were accepting what I was saying (because they were continuing to laugh and joke and not act horrified); on another level I knew without a doubt that this was something I could never discuss with them seriously.  I know that I can get away with saying some pretty outrageous things, and that in the future I’ll be able to fix J with a look and exclaim, “Oh my!  Just what do you think you’re doing with that hose?!” and have her rolling on the floor in hysterics, so I guess it’s all good.

The very next day at work I went to see my very favourite manager, P, just to check in.  She has the best insight on things that are going on within the agency and she’s got a great sense of humour to boot, so I make it a point to get over to see her as often as I can.  When I came into her office to sit she was bustling about with papers, and I saw from her screen that her computer was off-line… then she told me why…

Apparently one of the staff had downloaded a good deal of pornography AND PRINTED IT OUT, unwittingly leaving it in the printer tray for P to find.  This sparked an investigation by the IT department, who took all the computers out of the program in order to see what else they could find (because as we know every move you make on the computer leaves traces).

As if that were not enough, another staff person was going around showing pictures of her boyfriend’s willy that she had on her cell phone to other staff (but told them to keep it hush-hush because she didn’t want her husband to find out… ??! oy… *facepalm*).  One of the staff reported it to P, and the offending staff admitted to it, but then also gave P to understand that she wasn’t the only one doing such things…

So there’s a bit of an uproar going on, and P appears to be sitting on top of the Porno Connection at the moment… though I told her that may spread as the staff in question who downloaded the stuff works at other programs, which may well widen the investigation (as it is the nerdy IT guy was already going to other programs and we figure he’s having the time of his life with this, since he now gets to check out porn as part of his job!).  She’s all righteously indignant (but still managing to laugh about it), more put out by not having a computer at the moment than anything else.

Hmmmn… suppose I should do a sweep of my laptop, eh? since it’s company issue… LOL… though since I seem to have such a ‘goody’ reputation that I doubt they’d look my way… ¬¬

Home Alone

For the second weekend in a row, I found myself alone this past weekend (Taz took the brood with him to NY while he had a live audition for The Biggest Loser; unfortunately it doesn’t look encouraging this time round).  Once again, obligations kept me back; I had shift work and another big paper to keep me out of mischief.  Well, mostly…

…I’d dare to say I had as many adventures as this little tyke! LOL

I set up in the living room again for the weekend and kept the play mostly light while I worked on the paper.  Since I can multi-task so well, I learnt to tie another basic karada (body harness) on myself to leave on overnight while researching for my paper and then while typing sections of the paper I tried different sensations… ben wa balls with a multi-speed bullet (mmmmmmmm…); Listerine mint strips (meh… didn’t pack much of a punch for me); Altoids cinnamon (barely felt it, ah well); and finally figging with a VERY fermented piece of ginger (WHOA NELLY!!!!!!!! now I felt that!!).  Finished off with the Hitachi to get rid of the tensions from the week quite satisfactorily and fell asleep in the play area again :)

Saturday night found me frustrated from a very long day doing clinical hours for my class and going straight into work from there for a rather clinically intense evening.  The sensation play was definitely much edgier: knife play (fairly superficial), clothespegging to the nether regions, more wax play (I need more candles now!!).  I fell asleep quite late in the play area and my phone alarm the next morning went off way too soon…

No play on Sunday, unfortunately… spent the early morning cleaning up, then out for my weekly sing gig and another long, intense shift at work.  By the time I got home I just couldn’t stop yawning; I stayed up long enough to get the last bits of requirements submitted for school, wrote a couple (likely incoherent) emails and stumbled up to bed.  The family had come home while I was at work, so I couldn’t have played (much) anyway.

Not sure when I’ll have the opportunity to have the house to myself again… it was nice to have this time for two weekends in a row though!

Booby Trap

A couple of male readers recently commented on the size (large) of my breasts, which took me aback, since I’ve rather always been on the small side.  In fact, it didn’t seem all that long ago that I went in for my annual mammogram and had the technician exclaim, “Oh my, you’ve lost so much breast tissue!!!!” {Way to make the patient feel good, gal… go you  ¬¬}

This can be explained; late last Fall, I had to take medroxyprogesterone (a hormone) in large quantities to try to get the bleeding to stop; the only effect however was to make me bloated and miserable – my breasts became really swollen and tender so I eventually stopped it.  The swelling has gone down somewhat but as I’m still a hormonal mess the effect hasn’t faded entirely – so there you have it.  Once Mother Nature quits playing around with me they’ll likely get back down to size!

The only other time(s) my mammaries were that large was during another hormone-laden time, that of pregnancy and childbirth.  I joked to Taz at the time that he should enjoy it while he could, but I think the fact that my breasts were busy with the ‘utilitarian’ function of feeding babies he didn’t see them as sexual (and really neither did I).

I’ve noticed that ‘lactation’ and ‘breast pumps’ are listed as fetishes on BDSM checklists; I suppose that I should not be surprised as most body functions are.  I will say straight off that my breastfeeding years were one of the best, most magical times of my life and a period I look back upon fondly.  I would hesitate to say ‘fetish’ though, especially concerning the pump, which I considered only a necessary evil (and at times, item of torture) that allowed me to go back to work while continuing to provide for my little one(s).  I guess, looking back, I can see how it would be termed such though.

I had a good model of pump, but still considered the process somewhat painful, messy, and inconvenient.  If I tried to rush the process by turning up the suction, I bled, so I had to be patient and just let the machine take its course.  When my older daughter was small I used my supervisor’s office at lunchtime to pump and had to eat lunch at the same time, which was mildly awkward.  To add insult to injury, one of the nurses I supervised seemed to take delight in calling me nearly every day with some ‘crisis’ while I was pumping and trying to eat… ¬¬

The breastfeeding part though? was marvellous and put me in such a wonderful headspace about being able to do it.  There really is such a phenomenon as being ‘sucked dry’… feeling literally drained and unable to move until someone brought me something to drink, which happened several times.  My little one was quite militant about wanting regular feedings and didn’t like to be kept waiting, so I quickly learned to accommodate her and really lost any sort of self-consciousness early on about feeding her in public places.  She absolutely refused to take a bottle whenever I was around.  The most interesting accommodation I had to make was concerning long car rides.  Taz of course didn’t want to stop for any length of time if he didn’t have to, and we didn’t want to take her out of her car seat, so I learnt to kneel up beside her and feed her while she was still strapped in.

Moopie (my pet name for her for something funny she used to do) and I kept up that special practice for 15 months, and I believe it’s one of the reasons why we’re still so close.  I hated to stop, but she was definitely getting distractible and I knew we needed to stop if I was going to be able to provide her with siblings, since the IVF process required that I not be breastfeeding for several months before going through a cycle.  The weekend that we stopped was fairly eventful; a sister of Taz’s got married and three days later Taz’s father passed.  Moopie was caught up in all the excitement and emotions going around and didn’t seem to miss the breastfeeding at all, so I knew she was ready to move on.  Me? not so sure, but managed to ride it through.

Twins… brought an interesting twist to the scene.  I breastfed both of them from the start, and quickly learnt all the tandem positions as it was a rare event that I could ever feed them singly.  Talk about being ‘sucked dry’… it was nearly a daily event!  I was home longer with them before returning to the work force (actually had to leave my job and start a new one, which allowed me to take on hours gradually so I didn’t have to pump for the first several months except as to build a stockpile for when I would be gone longer than a few hours).  Long car rides were amusing, to say the least.  I would go up on my knees to feed one babe while reassuring the other that I’d get there soon; I just couldn’t manage to do both at once given the spacing.

This doesn’t happen much in Western society, but Bitty, Gumdrop and I managed to keep up this special time until they were past three years of age; I finally broke it off when we moved to the new house (‘new house, new rules’).  Again, I think it’s why we’re still very close and affectionate, they loved that special snuggle time with Mommy.  Moopie didn’t begrudge them that; she was (and is) the best big sister to them and found ways to stay close to me as well.

If promoting breastfeeding as a kink brings more people to the practice, then I am all for it!! I could go on for ages about all the benefits, but it really comes down to the special feeling one gets at being able to provide naturally for her offspring (especially when ‘naturally’ has been ripped away from conception and childbirth) and the special bond it fosters.

And now to climb off my soapbox… the last piece of my chain came in this past week, so here it is all assembled…

and a couple of pics on the wearer...

For now it’s staying on; I find it drops through the bottom of my bra, so I usually drape it over the top.  Still hidden at this time of year with multiple layers of dress, will have to see what happens as the warm weather returns!

Descending From the Stratosphere

After all that sensation play, my mind drops into reflection.  Not a bad thing… it’s a way to process along the journey.

I’ve had a good deal of fun exploring my body this weekend and how it responds to things.  It’s still a delightful mystery to me at times and it seems I’m constantly discovering new things about myself.  Apparently I don’t know ‘the back of my own hand’…

Of one thing I’ve always been acutely aware… my body is battle-scarred.  Not by war, but by life lived.  Each scar has its own story.

I’m not one to break bones (except in my mouth at age 20… have a lovely metal plate over the roof of my mouth now, which is delightful to thump against with my tongue stud when I’m listening to music!); instead I tend to take out cartilage, rip tendons and ligaments, gash skin and soft tissue to require suturing.  I fall – a lot – but it hasn’t stopped me from being a tomboy from the word ‘Go!’… my most spectacular scar is from when I ripped my knee open to the bone falling off my bike onto the gear chain at age 8; my biggest spectacle? was skiing down a flight-and-a-half of stone-and-metal stairs on my knees/shins at school at age 12.  I still climb trees and rocks, jump from moving swings, skate (ice and in-line), and play soccer.

Though I’m weight-for-height, my figure is far less than perfect, a product of having carried triplets, twins, and having undergone multiple abdominal surgeries as well as dropping weight far too fast in recent years.  I’m not ashamed of my body per se (most if not all the scars I consider a badge of honour for having lived an interesting life); I do get self-conscious when I see my male friends ogling images of ‘perfect’ females and knowing I look nothing like that.  Yes, I could be more fit, but I do keep reasonably active and there are things I can do flexibility-wise that my daughter, for all her youth and agility, can’t hold a candle to.

It’s all in what you do with what you have, of course… when I had ‘The Body’, my first husband walked away and into the arms of a 19yo bimbo who knew what to say and how to flaunt her ‘wares’ to entice him away.  On the other hand, my sister has been morbidly obese since her first pregnancy at age 22, and I’ve given up trying to keep track of her current and former lovers; her dance card is always full and then some!  When I’ve lost in relationships, I’ve been painfully aware that it’s due to my social skills – or lack thereof – not in any sense of the physical.

As for what I look for – elements of physique are nice, yes, and I would of course want to make sure the parts fit together! – I am drawn to a person’s eyes, sense of humour, and whether we have anything to talk about.  Those are the things that endure far beyond physical attributes.

In the end, I am me… I am what I am.  Take me or leave me; I am truly answerable only to myself and what I can bear to live with when all is said and done.  I like to think I am worth ‘the second glance’ and that I have an unlimited potential for growth.  Encouragement on the journey is always welcome :)

Holidaze

Happy Presidents' Day to those of us in the US... and Happy Family Day to those in Canada (I'm part French-Canadian so I'll gladly share! LOL)!  This whole week is a break for some (school vacation) though not for me.  I've enjoyed this weekend though, doing sensation play to the hilt.  Unfortunately I'll have to retreat back to my closet tonight...

Yesterday I spent the day slugging through a major paper so that I could get it DONE and fully enjoy the rest of the weekend without any worries.  It wasn't all work work work though... got out of the house a couple of times to do my weekly singing gig and to pick up a few items.  While I was out, I hit the candy aisle this time to pick up a few things that had been suggested to me.

I'm not at all a fan of candy (dark chocolate is the closest I go), so it felt a little weird to be poring through the displays.  I eventually found what I was looking for though: cinnamon discs, spearmint drops, Pop Rocks in two flavours, and Altoids in three flavours (not sure about the licorice though... I do enjoy licorice root, not sure how it will translate as a sensation).  I also picked up Listerine mint slips...

...which I'm told are quite fun :)

The toy bag has become quite stuffed!  I picked up a cheap rolling bag last week to keep everything together and portable, which has worked out well...

Last night was more sensation play, didn't take pics this time as I was really trying to concentrate on what was going on and it's hard enough when you're doing it solo without trying to set up shots.

I set up in the living room again, with candles and incense for atmosphere...

Played a bit with the anal beads... it was nice to take the time to get myself excited for it first, rather than a quick prep and here-we-go.  'Twas fun, and a nice warm-up for the second activity, which was some figging fun with a good knob of ginger to the rear and toothpaste mixed with ground ginger to the front.  The great thing about the ginger that I've noticed for myself is that I still feel it the next day... a nice, warm 'spicy' feeling...

Played with the Hitachi for a bit after that, then since the candles were there I finished with some more wax play.  Twice I managed to 'trap' an ice cube in wax on my body and it was a wonderful sensation to feel it melt against me underneath the wax...

I ended up sleeping downstairs sprawled in the play area (blanket below, blanket above, quite cosy!); it was nice to wake up and be hit immediately with reminders of what had gone on the night before :)

Today while I'm still alone I'm doing housework au naturale (lots to clean up from play! haha) and imagining how it would be to be required to do so.  I know I'm not slave material, but it's something I've thought about.  I read John Norman's Gor series when I was about nineteen and was both intrigued and horrified by it at the time.

I've had this apron for years... no, you don't get to see me wearing it... ;)

Fire and Ice

I'm not alone here... there's at least two of nature's creatures that I can hear moving about (trapped?) in my chimney.  They were making quite the ruckus last night as I was setting up; being that I was naked and alone on a holiday weekend, I didn't go exploring the fireplace area to see what was up there (!)

So last night was all about wax play... I cranked up the heat a few notches so I could be au naturale in comfort, brought everything into the living room, and set up for some fun.  The incense, by the way, added a nice touch... patchouli, my favorite.

I added ice to the mixture this time too, both to prep the skin before pouring and to soothe it afterward.  It worked nicely and was a fun contrast to the heat of the wax... especially when I allowed it to melt and trickle underneath the built-up wax! mmmmmmmmmm...

Besides pouring from the yahrzeit candles I tried some dripping as well... I keep shabbat candles in the freezer so they'll burn longer... in this instance they didn't really last long at all hahaha... it just took a little longer for them to start dripping...

I even got brave and went for the nips this time, first as single drips from the candle high up, then realised I could get closer and closer... I ended up with the flame as close as a couple of centimeters to the nips...

and I also did some pouring in the general area...

not to mention a great deal of fun quite a bit lower...

I was really, really grateful later that not only did I put down a towel but also a heavy blanket over the rug... as the pouring of the hot wax saturated the towel in places and went straight through to the blanket :s

After the wax cooled a bit, I had some great fun peeling it off... it rather reminded me of library paste (peeling that off was sometimes more fun than the art projects in kindergarten!), if anyone remembers that... hopefully I'm not carbon dating myself too badly with that remark!

Now, what mischief can I cook up for tonight!?

Popping the Hitachi Cherry

Just found out a little while ago that I'll have the house to myself for the long weekend as of this evening... I have to stay behind while the family heads out of state as I have obligations to attend to, including a rather involved assignment for school.  Can't go completely wild, but I can at least take my kink activities out of the walk-in closet for the next couple of nights!! *bouncebouncebounce*

One activity I actually did take to bedside last night, seeing as I was sleeping alone... Taz usually stays downstairs until 4 or 5 in the morning Friday into Saturday, so I knew I'd have time to play around a bit.

I've not picked up any attachments yet for this electric wonder, figured I would start slow as I was told it's quite powerful in effect all on its own.  I didn't prepare in any way in terms of inserting anything or applying anything to my skin as I wanted to see what this baby could do solo.  I was grateful that I had a wall socket within easy reach of the bed, though I'll have to invest in a splitter now so that I don't have to choose between alarm clock and bedside lamp while this toy is in operation :)

I've mentioned before that my usual solo position is belly-down (and in that very same post spoke of the joys of vibration!)... but elected to lay supine for this session.  I started the wand on low setting, and quickly found that that was more than suitable to bring a fairly quick response!  Usually it takes a good amount of time for me to become aroused from solo activities while on my back; I really have to concentrate and grant myself some patience.  It was not long, however, before I found I became vocal and had to move against the wand as my hand held it steady just above my nether regions.  The wand becomes warm fairly quickly (another sensation I wasn't expecting) which added to the experience nicely; before I realised it I hit the first orgasm and it turned out to be a serial affair, another new experience in the supine position!  Not necessarily intense, but prolonged.  I turned the toy off for a bit to rest, then gave it another go... and once again had a serial run within minutes.  Wow! while I did flip briefly to my belly, I soon found I preferred to be on my back for this, though I intend to try other positions as well.  Need to add an extension cord to the shopping list...

When I turned off the toy this time, I realised I had rubbed myself a bit raw as I had gone without lube... oooops!  Gave myself a few minutes to rest and recoup, then added the lube this time for a final go before sleep.  This experience was as stellar as the other two had been, and I was well sated when I finally tucked everything away and settled down for the night.

Can't wait to play some more tonight!

Stocking the Toy Bag

Got a bit of an ego-boo today from an unexpected quarter... I was unlocking the door to my office when a department head from another division in our agency jogged up to me and said, "Hey, K, have something funny to tell you!"  I encouraged him to go ahead and he told me that one of the last times I came in to the building he had to ask someone who I was as he didn't recognize me... "That's K???" he related with obvious incredulity... "Just wanted to let you know you look really, really good!!"

*blush* Go me...

Ayep, that's what a life of kink will do for you... LOL

So... Santa came early to Worcester County (or late, depending on how you look at it haha)... this is what I found in my post box this week...

I had managed to find a vendor of chains in rainbow titanium (same as the nip rings) and they were really speedy in delivery!! waiting for one more piece that will link the two separate chains and then there'll be pics of the whole assemblage... ;)

And yes, the rope finally came... so I had to play...

Did I mention I love to tie knots??? hahahaha... I really, really enjoyed this and am looking forward to delving further into it.

Being the sensation slut that I am, I traded info on toy bag contents with a new friend on FetLife and went on an expedition today to pick up some more items:

...when I went to checkout, the clerk looked over my stash and asked, "School project?"  Uuuhh, yeah, that's right... LOL.   I agreed with him on that point and that the items looked rather random... if he only knew!!! *snicker*

The Hitachi I actually picked up a little further down the road... where I also completed an assignment for my Rider, looking for suitable 'boys toys', great fun!!  I felt quite naughty loitering at that wall of the shop, picking through the wares and writing down info in my writing journal :)

Gee, you'll never guess what I'll be doing tonight...

It'll be a great long weekend!!!!!!!

Drop the Chocolate... and back away...

Aahhh, yes... the cry of the hormone-enhanced woman when PMS strikes hard... a cry Taz knows all too well! so well he thoroughly re-stocked me for Valentine's Day!!  Smart man...

Not that I stuff up on chocolate... that would be bad... but there are certain times when a little dark chocolate will go a long way towards keeping a Kazi on this side of rational, and I keep an emergency stash in the freezer for just such times of need.  Which seem to be happening more often of late... :s

I'm told I'm going through 'The Change'... and that if I can just muddle through it, all will be rosy.  Now, I have no real guide to go by; both my mother and my sister lost their uteruses at age 40 so I can't compare experiences.  It seems to me, though, that 'The Change' is supposed to be about skipping cycles... waning hormones... maybe a lovely hot flash or a few...

But for me?  Because I just can't be like any other female (yes, that's heavy sarcasm you sense, watch out the Dragon's on a roll!), I have to have the raging hormones of a teenager, with cycles that go twice as often and twice as intense.  And - of course - a raging libido to match.  More than a little frustrating...

Without putting too fine a point on it, I'm not keen on playing during active flow, it's just messy.  On the other hand, the fact that it goes on for so long and happens so often... the nether regions are nearly always engorged and it's akin to being in a constant state of arousal.  A kinkster's dream, to always be on the ready... ¬¬

So yes, keep the chocolate handy! you never know when you may need to hold a Dragon at bay!!

Oh, and for those times when the Dragon needs soothing AND some real caffeine enhancement? I give you 'KaziCrack'... LOL

again, should actually be the dark chocolate ones, couldn't find a pic of that and they are hard to come by...

A choral mate was running a survey this past weekend, asking all of us women, "Would you rather get chocolate or flowers?"  He thought we'd be going for the flowers... but no... it was overwhelmingly chocolate! as the choral director said, "Well, all you can do is smell the flowers... there's so much more you can do with chocolate!"  I agreed vigourously, asserting, "Oh my yes, SO much more!!" to which my choral mate yelped, "Survey closed!! I don't wanna know!!!!!!" and turned such a lovely shade of red... *evil grin*

Music to be a Turtle by

Are you a Turtle?

If you already are, you can just give me the stock answer and pass right along, friend.  For the uninitiated, there are four questions you need to answer correctly to join the Order of the Turtle.  The Turtle is never rude, remember that!

If you know the answers, sing them out in comments hahaha…

What is big and hard and sticks so far out of a man’s pyjamas that he can hang his hat on it?

What goes into the mouth long and hard and comes out soft and goosh-y?

What does a gentleman do standing up, a lady do sitting down, and a dog do with one leg in the air?

What’s a word that starts with ‘F’ and ends with ‘U – C – K’?

I’m even going to be nice and answer the last one for you.  Firetruck.  Heavens, what were you thinking of??

I’m now going to substitute that answer for the word you were probably thinking of, as I do not wish to have all sorts of screaming meta-tags aimed at this page for using the ‘F’ word too often as I present…

Music to Firetruck By (pffft… it’s been a long week, just go with it!!)

Many like to set the mood, kinky or otherwise, with lighting.  Others with music…

When Bis and I were still in our college days, he gave me to understand that Ravel’s Boléro was the ultimate music to firetruck by and would occasionally set up the music on his stereo in the dorm when he wanted to get his groove on.  He eventually had to stop, as I would get the giggles, which was not at all conducive to firetrucking in his mind… don’t get me wrong, it’s a beautiful piece of music but a bit too over-the-top for me as far as a seduction piece.

That said, I do have a thing for classical music, and you can seduce me anytime with the BSO playing the 1812 overture on a warm summer night under the stars, even if the fireworks are only in my mind… mmmmmm

I am a musician, as I may have mentioned, and I also have fairly eclectic tastes in music; my iTouch has thousands of songs from classical pieces to rap, from the sweet croonings of my idol Josh Groban to the harsh lyrics of Eminem, with a good dash of Kings of Leon, Five for Fighting, Green Day, Evanescence, Enya, Muse, and Linkin Park thrown in.  I originally upgraded to the iTouch so that I could download songs wirelessly and create playlists for rehearsal (stage performances), engineer original theatre production soundtracks (and even used an app this past summer to generate sound effects! fun!), and also create some personal playlists to exercise to, calm down with, and use to concentrate on schoolwork.

The one playlist I’ve not created? is one to firetruck by.  I really haven’t bothered, being solo as I am, not that I would be opposed to having music playing quietly in the background.

I’ve been intrigued by some of the suggestions I’ve seen in my readings of erotica, and most have made my download list.  One song in particular comes up again and again, that being ‘Closer’ by Nine Inch Nails.  I downloaded it and listened to it once or twice; it doesn’t really do it for me.  Makes me rather uncomfortable, truth be told.  I'd rather have my lover up close and personal whispering filthy things in my ear than hear a disembodied voice in a song.

Another song that was suggested enthusiastically was ‘Lying in the Hands of God’ (Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King by the Dave Matthews Band).  Meh… nice song if you’re going to get yourself into the rhythm to go at it for hours, I guess, not if you have any kind of urgency.

For my own tastes, I prefer something with a good beat to it, something like Kings of Leon’s ‘Manhattan’ or ‘Arizona’, or Muse’s ‘Undisclosed Desires’.  Vanilla Ice’s ‘Ice Ice Baby’ has a rhythm that might help you firetruck your partner through the mattress – or a wall – if you can get past the lyrics.

Fastest turn-off?  John Mayer’s ‘Your Body is a Wonderland’.  Really, anything by John Mayer – can’t stand his voice.


What gets your juices flowing?

Of Dungeons and Weyrs and Kindred Spirits

It is said that if one is fortunate, s/he may come across a kindred spirit once in a lifetime, a soul with whom s/he can share a unique bond, a special language, all that can be shared that s/he might tell no other.

I ran across my kindred soul many years ago, when we were both counsellors for a special needs camp; Kev was taking care of a boy who been exposed to thalidomide in utero whilst I had charge of a little girl with cerebral palsy.  Our little campers happened to be good friends, so Kev and I spent a lot of time together and bonded quickly.  After the camp was over we continued on together; though we ended up at different colleges the next year, we travelled either one way or the other to see each other every weekend.  We had a secret language that only made sense to the two of us, full of private jokes and a very silly camp song complete with hand movements.  We shared absolutely everything with each other, including occasionally a bed, though we were never physically intimate with each other.  Both of us were afraid, I think, of risking that very special bond we had, instead choosing to regard ourselves as big brother to little sister.

Unfortunately, Kev had a congenital heart defect and was ripped from this life far too soon.  I was unable to attend his funeral, marooned as I was in the wilds of Maine… ironically as the nurse for a special needs vacation camp.  It took me a long time to find closure; I still miss him terribly.

Never in my wildest imaginings did I ever dream that I would be granted another opportunity in this lifetime to meet yet another kindred spirit, never certainly in such a way as has happened.

My Sweet Rider tells of our journey best; he has a beautiful way with words.  I love the secret language we’ve developed, laden with hidden meaning; I love the world we have woven around us.  I love that we can go from cosy chat to the heights of passion and back again with nary a shred of self-consciousness or hesitation.

This Dragon would proudly wear her Rider’s harness.  Thank you, love, for our recent lusty romp and roaring good chat.  Can’t wait to give it another go!

Food for Thought

When I first came to FetLife, I mentioned in my profile that the reason for the absolute zero activity in the marital bedroom was due to the fact that Taz is more than twice my weight and that ‘the parts don’t fit together anymore.’  Sadly true, though only part of the story; the reason for his extreme weight has as much to do with mindset as heredity.  He’s clinically depressed and has been for many years.

I was also quite a bit heavier a few years ago, first in being pregnant with twins (gaining more than I probably should have from the stress of a multiples pregnancy after having lost one before); slimmed down soon after but then rocketed back up for a good bit when Taz’s depression threatened to overwhelm me as well.  One day, though, I had finally had enough, enough of always being tired, of never having energy, of seeing the world through a shroud of grey, of feeling old before my time.

I dropped the weight, gaining a phenomenal amount of energy in the process, my libido came back in spades and my outlook on the world and my place in it vastly improved.  It was if I’d gained a new lease on life.  And that’s when the sex faltered and then stopped completely.  Yep, the parts definitely don’t fit, and he’s probably afraid of crushing me as well; I think there’s also a measure of intimidation by (or rejection of?) my ebullient nature and the changes he can see (hair and clothing, the ‘extra holes in the head’).  He was not at all taken with the tongue piercing and couldn’t understand why I would possibly want one.  Doesn’t even know about the nipples yet … ¬¬

So…

Twice now he’s tried to get on The Biggest Loser and failed (first time he wasn’t prepared for the length of the line waiting to get in for auditions, second time his sister backed out of a team idea).  Third time’s a charm, they say, and it looks as though he truly has a shot at it on this go-round as we recently discovered that one of his sisters has a professional connection with one of the trainers on the show and has agreed to help.  So, if this happens, it will mean perhaps up to three months of me running our household solo.  It might also mean that I get a dramatically re-finished hubby with potentially a whole new outlook on life.

Obviously, I’m not holding my breath praying for such a ‘quick fix.’  For one, he’s lost weight before… and then gained it all back and more.  And frankly, the horse has left the barn… now that I’ve started this path I’m on I’m not keen to turn back and deny the things I’ve discovered about myself.  I would love to see a little action on the home front; I think it would do much to improve communication between us but I’m not even sure it’s a guarantee after this length of time.

He pulled each of us into his audition video for the application just yesterday.  All of us want him to be around for the graduations, the weddings, and the grandkids.  I hope those dreams come true, at least.

Workin' the Toy Bag

Would anyone like some snow, cheap?  We have plenty here in central New England, and more coming.  Much more.  There literally is no place to put it all.  Today was yet another day of white-knuckle driving as I spent two hours coming home from an early morning site visit for work; tomorrow I won’t even leave the house as we’re expecting another sizeable blizzard.  I think I saw penguins moving in down the block from us…

Working from home definitely has its advantages.  Dress code, for instance.  None of my colleagues need know that I am answering their emails and filing my reports in a fleece robe and little else.  Nor that I’m employing some elements from my toy bag as I work!

I had been remiss in my butt training while rehearsing for the show last month, so when I arrived home today I pulled out the trainer kit.  I’m still on the smallest one and can’t yet tolerate it for more than an hour at a time, but I can afford to be patient.

Still also having fun with the ben wa balls (thanks, Kelley!) and yes, there’s a retrieval cord attached should I wish to introduce them to my backside… not such a concern for the vaginal route, being that it’s a finite space.  There are balls inside the balls, which make an absolutely awesome combination with a well-placed vibrator (after work hours!).

Unfortunately, I am not wearing nip rings yet... apparently I ordered the wrong size, being the noob I am.  So another order has gone out and I should be good for next week.  In the meantime, the rings I received haven't gone to waste, two are in my ears now.

Back to work...