Self Restraint

I forgot to mention in my drabblings yesterday about an encounter we had at the mall; we had wandered into one of the stores and my son noticed all of the facial piercings the girl behind the counter had.  He commented, "I'll bet those really hurt!" and she replied, "Only the one to my chest!"

I was about to commiserate with her, when my son began to back away from her.  "I'm scared of you," he said, "You've got your chest pierced!"

My mouth shut tight, the confession died on my lips.  Scared of her?  Okay, I guess I could see that, I remembered the terror I felt when I was first introduced to kink as a teen (which will be the fodder of another post, sometime).  But would that translate to me, if he knew...?

Yeah, if they only knew...

I went downstairs last night dressed in one of Taz's ripped-up tee shirts to do my hair... as I passed by him he called out "Wait a minute!" and I thought he had finally caught on.  I turned toward him in trepidation, waiting for his wrath (because I figure that's how he'll react when he finally gets a clue)... and all he said was, "That's an old shirt, right?  I don't want you using one of my new undershirts!!"  I practically danced in front of him, showing him the gaping rips under the arms, mere centimeters from my pierced nips.  And that... was that.

*sigh*

The title of this post has two meanings.  The first, of course, is obvious: that of holding back, of mastering one's impulses.  We as kinksters do that all the time in order to function in mundane society.  At times we may let it 'leak' a bit in our manner of dress or actions, depending on the situation.  For instance, I showed self restraint in not blurting out at the mall that I, too, had a chest piercing.  But I am rather unconventional in my appearance for my age bracket; an 'acquired taste' so to speak.

The other meaning may be of far more interest to those of us who identify as submissives.  I first ran across this phenomenon in the mid-80s in my work with severely involved autistic youngsters: the fact that they would self-restrain themselves as a form of grounding, of security.

The ways they would choose to do so seemed bizarre at the time; wearing their clothes so as to bind their legs or their torsos and arms, wrapping their arms about themselves and refusing to let go, etc.  A few of my students would initiate putting themselves into four-point restraint to keep themselves safe in a threatening situation.

After reading a couple of articles about the theory of why they did such things, I decided to try it for myself.  And that is how I discovered light bondage and how much I enjoyed it, needed it in fact.

I have a very low tolerance for crowds and open arenas (like shopping malls, supermarkets, department stores, etc.).  You will not see me anywhere near a mall from early November until past the New Year, even with coping mechanisms... just can't handle it.  I will tolerate these places at other times of the year if I can either be holding on to something (someone's hand, a stroller handle) or wearing headphones (a trick I picked up from my deaf students).

Apparently, I crave the security that bondage brings; today as part of my session I wandered out into the community wearing a tight shibari body harness underneath my clothes, and was completely in submissive headspace, a sort of euphoria, the entire time I was out.  I may be off my rocker, but I present this as a reason why other submissives may enjoy bondage as well.  What does it do for you?

Had an absolutely glorious session today (when the cat's away the mice will play!).  New fun sensations: playing with a vibrating butt plug whilst having a bullet vibrating in the 'other' cavity, brushing warm wax on sensitive areas with a paintbrush, pushing an ice cube into the vagina and having cool water pool out during orgasm to add fuel to the climax.  One totally scary moment when the doorbell rang and realising that I could be seen in all of my wanton abandon from the front door...! and diving for cover.

Not looking forward to Monday... especially with the time change...