Booby Trap

A couple of male readers recently commented on the size (large) of my breasts, which took me aback, since I’ve rather always been on the small side.  In fact, it didn’t seem all that long ago that I went in for my annual mammogram and had the technician exclaim, “Oh my, you’ve lost so much breast tissue!!!!” {Way to make the patient feel good, gal… go you  ¬¬}

This can be explained; late last Fall, I had to take medroxyprogesterone (a hormone) in large quantities to try to get the bleeding to stop; the only effect however was to make me bloated and miserable – my breasts became really swollen and tender so I eventually stopped it.  The swelling has gone down somewhat but as I’m still a hormonal mess the effect hasn’t faded entirely – so there you have it.  Once Mother Nature quits playing around with me they’ll likely get back down to size!

The only other time(s) my mammaries were that large was during another hormone-laden time, that of pregnancy and childbirth.  I joked to Taz at the time that he should enjoy it while he could, but I think the fact that my breasts were busy with the ‘utilitarian’ function of feeding babies he didn’t see them as sexual (and really neither did I).

I’ve noticed that ‘lactation’ and ‘breast pumps’ are listed as fetishes on BDSM checklists; I suppose that I should not be surprised as most body functions are.  I will say straight off that my breastfeeding years were one of the best, most magical times of my life and a period I look back upon fondly.  I would hesitate to say ‘fetish’ though, especially concerning the pump, which I considered only a necessary evil (and at times, item of torture) that allowed me to go back to work while continuing to provide for my little one(s).  I guess, looking back, I can see how it would be termed such though.

I had a good model of pump, but still considered the process somewhat painful, messy, and inconvenient.  If I tried to rush the process by turning up the suction, I bled, so I had to be patient and just let the machine take its course.  When my older daughter was small I used my supervisor’s office at lunchtime to pump and had to eat lunch at the same time, which was mildly awkward.  To add insult to injury, one of the nurses I supervised seemed to take delight in calling me nearly every day with some ‘crisis’ while I was pumping and trying to eat… ¬¬

The breastfeeding part though? was marvellous and put me in such a wonderful headspace about being able to do it.  There really is such a phenomenon as being ‘sucked dry’… feeling literally drained and unable to move until someone brought me something to drink, which happened several times.  My little one was quite militant about wanting regular feedings and didn’t like to be kept waiting, so I quickly learned to accommodate her and really lost any sort of self-consciousness early on about feeding her in public places.  She absolutely refused to take a bottle whenever I was around.  The most interesting accommodation I had to make was concerning long car rides.  Taz of course didn’t want to stop for any length of time if he didn’t have to, and we didn’t want to take her out of her car seat, so I learnt to kneel up beside her and feed her while she was still strapped in.

Moopie (my pet name for her for something funny she used to do) and I kept up that special practice for 15 months, and I believe it’s one of the reasons why we’re still so close.  I hated to stop, but she was definitely getting distractible and I knew we needed to stop if I was going to be able to provide her with siblings, since the IVF process required that I not be breastfeeding for several months before going through a cycle.  The weekend that we stopped was fairly eventful; a sister of Taz’s got married and three days later Taz’s father passed.  Moopie was caught up in all the excitement and emotions going around and didn’t seem to miss the breastfeeding at all, so I knew she was ready to move on.  Me? not so sure, but managed to ride it through.

Twins… brought an interesting twist to the scene.  I breastfed both of them from the start, and quickly learnt all the tandem positions as it was a rare event that I could ever feed them singly.  Talk about being ‘sucked dry’… it was nearly a daily event!  I was home longer with them before returning to the work force (actually had to leave my job and start a new one, which allowed me to take on hours gradually so I didn’t have to pump for the first several months except as to build a stockpile for when I would be gone longer than a few hours).  Long car rides were amusing, to say the least.  I would go up on my knees to feed one babe while reassuring the other that I’d get there soon; I just couldn’t manage to do both at once given the spacing.

This doesn’t happen much in Western society, but Bitty, Gumdrop and I managed to keep up this special time until they were past three years of age; I finally broke it off when we moved to the new house (‘new house, new rules’).  Again, I think it’s why we’re still very close and affectionate, they loved that special snuggle time with Mommy.  Moopie didn’t begrudge them that; she was (and is) the best big sister to them and found ways to stay close to me as well.

If promoting breastfeeding as a kink brings more people to the practice, then I am all for it!! I could go on for ages about all the benefits, but it really comes down to the special feeling one gets at being able to provide naturally for her offspring (especially when ‘naturally’ has been ripped away from conception and childbirth) and the special bond it fosters.

And now to climb off my soapbox… the last piece of my chain came in this past week, so here it is all assembled…

and a couple of pics on the wearer...

For now it’s staying on; I find it drops through the bottom of my bra, so I usually drape it over the top.  Still hidden at this time of year with multiple layers of dress, will have to see what happens as the warm weather returns!