Shaking the Sieve

In making sense of the past week or so, I’ve taken to ‘shaking the sieve’ to see if I can find flashes of gold amidst the gravel.  What can I learn, what is my take-away from all of this?

Words… perceptions… can create powerful images.  And can become powder kegs in certain situations.  I’m still reeling and reacting negatively to a volatile situation touched off by a post on this blog over two weeks ago, though I realise it is not my problem and I just need to move on.  I do regret taking the post down, though, as it represented a landmark that meant a great deal to me, that of actually scening with another person in the flesh showing me the ropes as it were.

Abandoning real-time scening for the time being, I’ve been talking to several people.  One of these conversations has turned into online slave training with a Dom; he’s working with several women at the same time so I can learn protocol and the ins and out of online domination at a relaxed pace.  Still I’ve managed to get in trouble; I quipped at one point about being a pincushion for needles, meaning that when I do training at my job for blood testing I allow my students to have a stab at me if they are too squicked out to do it to themselves or each other.  He took it to mean I had my own supply and did it to myself regularly, and so when he called for it in a recent session I was unprepared and became unsafe.  It went very wrong very quickly and taught me some important lessons in safety and communication.  I’ve since picked up a safe supply of play sharps...

…and I should express (again) my motivations for playing with sharp things. It’s not generally pleasure I seek (though I suppose it’s there and I’ll make that connection eventually – I experienced some of that when I got the nips pierced) so much as release. With very few exceptions, I don’t tend to share my feelings with anyone on the day-to-day – they stay bottled. Every so once in a while it gets to be overwhelming, and I prefer to self-direct the negative energy or channel it into an activity instead of taking it out on someone. Dark, I know, but it’s just another facet of me.


So… I do indeed have the house to myself this weekend; Taz and the kids went off for a family event in NY.  Of course the reason I stayed behind is that I’m working this weekend, besides having the inevitable paper due… but it doesn’t mean I can’t have a little fun while I’m at it.  Tonight I’ve brought the toy bag down to the living room, and I’ve already had a nice session with fire in the hole (specifically requested by the online Dom) to which I also added ice and as much hot wax as I could pour down the hole :)

Also did some general wax pouring…

And the night’s not over yet… nor is the weekend!!