Kink Meme Part the Third

"Be very careful what you ask for."


As a relative neophyte to this lifestyle, I'm still on a huge learning curve.  Part of that is learning to ask for what I want, something I never felt I could do before.  And of learning what that means...


I suspect I'm going to get quite a lesson in the near future.  In amidst the healthy dose of 'omigosh, what am I getting myself into?!' is quite a bit of excitement.  We shall see...


On to the last installment of my 'Three Days of Kink' :)

Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
I’m not sure I could pick just one… I have several such themed books that I have read several times over, some of which are in series.  For instance, there are five excellent books in the Deviations series by Chris Owen & Jodi Payne, 911 by Chris Owen, Bareback by Chris Owen, The Forbidden Room and A House of Cards: Deconstructing Ethan by J. P. Barnaby… and so many more by these wonderful authors :)

What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
Trust and communication, same as for vanilla relationships.  And something that is different: a safeword means what it says.  If either you have no respect for limits you will eventually endanger the relationship, as it will erode trust (if not cause it to vanish rather quickly).

Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?

I’ve always had a dark sense of humour, which has only become sharper and more deviant the more I journey along in the exploration of kink.  It’s been great fun exploring sensation play and gathering toys for that.  I’ve learned new ways of relating to people and while I’m still shy I’m far from the girl who had to use ‘saying hi’ as a euphemism for having sex.

What qualities do you look for in a partner?
This gets sticky.  My husband is my life partner and I have no wish to leave him.  However, his libido is entirely absent and he sees no problem with this, despite everything I’ve tried.  As much as I try to channel my sexual energy into other ‘appropriate’ channels, my libido is a huge problem and I am truly afraid of having it build and be expressed in an inappropriate manner.  I’m trying to find acceptable alternatives which may well include, for lack of better descriptors, a long-term fuck buddy.  Such a person would need to be a friend first; while I wouldn’t be requiring fidelity as that would be hypocritical I would still need a healthy level of trust that this person would be looking at the relationship seriously.

How open are you about your kinks?
I don’t tend to ‘lay down my hand’ all at once… you have to get to know me over time to learn what I’m about, and even then there are things I will keep to myself.  I will joke about elements of kink to those not in the lifestyle, but they really have no idea of what I’m into, even if they are close in other ways.

What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
Love it, even though I’ve had some scares.  It’s a relatively safe way to learn if you might be ‘into’ something by exploring it with another person who is hopefully giving you good feedback.

Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
In my use of innuendo and double entendre, yes most definitely.  I've also been able to incorporate my love of science fiction and fantasy.  And it’s probably no mistake that I love rope and rock climbing…

How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
For my solo sessions, I tend to strip down to an a-shirt and enjoy applying a karada (simple shibari body harness), which feels good to apply and even better to wear :)

Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

I am very sensitive to names and labels; it can make or break my mojo.  There are titles I would prefer not to hear except in perhaps a limited sense for a specific scene.  Not every sub cares to hear “whore,” “bitch,” “cunt,” or “slut” as a regular form of address.  It’s another reason to get to know me before just assuming… not that I would ever presume to dictate what someone should call me.

Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about…

Well, as a matter of fact, I do like to write erotica.  I’ve even been told I’m good at it.  A good friend and I have been weaving some sensual tales together; he’s on hiatus now and so to keep my creative kink going I’ll be writing some things on my own.  Stay tuned to this space!